Lessons and Seasons

As I passed through seasons of the year and seasons of my life, each one has had something important to teach me.

I love the concept of seasons. I love that one gracefully morphs into the next, and each is often a welcome relief from the previous. As we glide through seasons over the course of a year, we pass simultaneously through our own seasons of life. Nothing is permanent and everything is a phase. (If you’re a new mom, remember that. It’s the single most important thing I’ve learned about motherhood.) I thank God for the variety of weather over the course of a year and the variety of experience over the course of my life. Each has something beautiful to teach.

I want to let you in on four things I learned over the four seasons of 2023.

Winter

In this early season of postpartum motherhood, I struggled with anxiety and depression. Fortunately, I got help through therapy and medication. I spent as much time outside as I could. And I did my best to savor those early newborn days with my little girl. I knew how fast they’d fly. But the pain and the struggle were very real, and it took immense vulnerability to let people into that space with me.

I learned that vulnerability is a means of connection.

Struggling with my mental health was at first embarrassing and shameful for me. I know this is common, but it still felt isolating and humiliating. It wasn’t until my therapist articulated that this was something happening to me—it wasn’t me—that I was able to first accept myself, and then allow others to accept me as well. Opening up to loved ones, even strangers, about the challenges of motherhood or mental health connected me to them in new ways. I can’t even adequately convey how my relationship with my husband grew over those months as he supported and sustained me in my journey as a mom of two. We are connected in a special, sacred way and closer than ever before.

Spring

The waters settled this spring. I turned 28. I went to the Eras tour. I made new friends. I met people I admire. I explored new hobbies.

I learned that relationships are worth building and nurturing.

This spring my neighborhood bonded over a community swing-set and early morning walks. I bonded with strangers over Eras tour outfits and surprise songs. I bonded with my sisters as we hiked Mt. Timpanogos and ran away from mountain goats. And that bonding was beautiful.

It’s not always easy to put time and effort into relationships—as a stay-at-home mom, it can feel especially hard when my world feels so small. But I rarely regret doing it. This year I nourished budding relationships and deepened existing ones. I invited others into my life and made space for new voices and perspectives. It has paid off tremendously. I feel supported in my ambitions and pursuits and truly seen for the person I am.

Summer

I spent many hours outside this summer, despite not being a hot-weather gal. I desperately hate the heat, so I probably spent just as many hours counting down the days until fall. Still, I discovered and rediscovered so much beauty outside this summer. I grew a garden, traveled to new national parks, and began to experience the world of hunting.

I learned that the outdoors is where I feel the most at peace.

As we spent a night in Grand Teton cuddled in a cabin, a diner, and a boat, I held Andrew’s hand and watched my children take in all that nature has to offer. Sights, sounds, and smells, all new to them and all unique. They probably didn’t recognize the grandeur of the Tetons as some of the best in the world, but they felt the fresh air on their faces and the icy lake water on their fingers. I felt those myself, and with them an inner calm and peace, like everything else faded away and I could simply exist in places and with people I cherish.

Later, when we gathered around a campfire with friends and family during a bow hunt in rural Utah, I felt it again. And again one May evening, digging through dirt and planting vegetables. Again on hikes and kayak trips up the canyon. I know every day can’t be spent as PTO or at a National Park, but I know that when I need that feeling of peace and calm, I know exactly where to go.

Fall

This season marked the beginning of new phases of life. My son started preschool, I took trips without kids, I started this writing adventure, and we began to build our first home. These were big changes and new pursuits in life, but some of the biggest changes happened inside of me.

I learned that I am worth investing in.

When you become a mother, it’s instinctual to sacrifice for your little ones. But in addition to being a mom—my favorite role—I am an individual with interests, dreams, and needs, and those are worth investing in. I am worth getting and staying healthy. My hobbies are worth spending time on. My interests are not just peripheral to my life. My needs are not any less valid than my children’s. All these things contribute to who I am as a person and benefit each member of my family. Taking the time to invest in and prioritize those aspects of myself make me a happier and more energetic woman, wife, mom, daughter, friend, and neighbor.

As I look back on 2023, I’m filled with satisfaction at the things I have learned and the challenges I’ve overcome. I still have many yet to face, but I face them with stronger relationships, more confidence, and more excitement than ever. 2023 was an important part of my life’s journey, and for it I’m so grateful.